Not sure where to go

It’s been awhile since I last wrote.  Eight months.  Feels almost like a lifetime, but not quite.

I’ve been mulling something lately, wanting to gain courage for a “thing” that’s calling me.

And my stuff has come up in the process.

Fear.

And I’ve looked this fear in the eye for the better part of a month.  I’ve looked at it from every angle…I’ve asked for it to leave, I’ve done my best to outsmart it.  But it’s still there.

How do I know?  Because I haven’t yet taken action.

Why? Because I’m still waiting to feel entirely right.

Not just mostly right, but entirely right.  I’ve been waiting to be fearless.

This “thing” that I’m mulling is a book collaboration with a new, dear friend.  And the notion to collaborate is coming from a place deep within.  It’s coming from a place that continues to call me, despite the layers of fear that are doing their best to get in the way.

What I’m realizing, in this moment, is that fearlessness is not about removing those layers.  It is simply about having the faith that when I move from my heart, the outcome is exactly as it’s meant to be.

My only job right now is to allow this inner calling to Be.  The simple act of allowing is all that I’m meant to do.

That’s it.

From there, what will be will be.

I have not written in 8 months.  Two hours ago I quietly requested a sign – a gentle nod that it was time to allow this “thing” flow through me, unhindered.  When I sat at my computer a moment ago, I had an email awaiting me.  A reader had stumbled upon my inactive-for-8-months blog, and was asking me to post more.  And when I logged into this account, my last (and forgotten) comment was the same: write more, please.

So here I am, smiling at the beauty of it all – and writing more.

I started this entry with no idea what was going to come through me.  And now, the title “Not sure where to go” is obsolete…for now I know precisely where to go……….

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~ by Julianna on November 2, 2009.

3 Responses to “Not sure where to go”

  1. I, for one, am glad you started blogging again.

    We set the ideal of fearlessness as a pearl of great price to be captured by the heart as the fruit of self-knowing. In truth, though, so long as the fear doesn’t cause us to run and hide, it calls us to keep watch for the next big boundary we are meant to break through. In breaking through, we are reinvented and the Hero’s Journey continues with a joyful purpose.

    Beauty and love are the same thing, and they make the Quest for the Knowledge of the Heart possible.

    Glad you’re out there adding your love and beauty to the dance of life.

    Like

  2. Thank you for this, HM.

    “It calls us to keep watch for the next big boundary we are meant to break through…” – I like it.

    Seems as though we’re quite on the same page…

    Like

  3. When we look fear in the eye, it’s suddenly just not so scary. In order for fear to stay fearsome it needs to hide in the dark. Glad you came back to write some more.

    Like

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